Tinnitus, selective deafness and reunited ex-lovers

One of the strange things about Facebook is the almost-forgotten people it reconnects you with. In my case, that's an ex-girlfriend who's just got back in touch. "How's my replacement?" I asked - not so directly, of course - and she mentioned that he's in the process of making a compensation claim for industrial deafness and tinnitus.

It probably wouldn't go down well to say so, but one of the things I remember at the time was how she would complain about his selective deafness even before the construction job that they think caused his ear problems. That, of course, is because my memory's scarred with the phrase "if he doesn't listen to you, why would you leave me for him?"

With the benefit of hindsight, though, I have lost all bitterness; I'm just struck with the thought that someone who feigned deafness should be stricken with the real kind. Not that he deserves it - although I might have thought so at the time, I'd put that down to the strong emotions of the moment.

I've also come to see how common the accusation of selective deafness is between the sexes. Even I've been accused of it, and I'm reasonably well in touch with my feminine side - at least, I like to think so.

I remember reading a personal opinion piece on the internet by a journalist whose name escapes me - that there might be a kind of proof of selective attention, by itself - who was, I think, having a go at her other half in public for selective deafness. There were several comments from people agreeing entirely with her, from both sexes, but the comment that means I remember it was one unapologetically unreconstructed bloke who wrote something like 'it's not selective deafness, it's a quality filter.'

Without agreeing with that sentiment, I'm jealous of the kind of confidence that allowed him to voice it.

But one thing about this worries me now, as I've become someone who works for a personal injury compensation company. It's the thought that our widespread assumption about selective deafness being a jokey, trivial thing that we can laugh about in bars may lead to cases of actual hearing loss being ignored in their early stages.

You don't need me to remind you how serious industrial hearing loss and tinnitus can be - given where it's published, the fact you're reading this probably means that you've got some interest in the subject of industrial deafness anyway.

In many cases, hearing loss is reversible in its early stages, so every symptom that's laughed off as a "Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus" misunderstanding is another step away from a useful diagnosis and toward a potentially irreversible personal injury. For this reason alone, it's worth sharing my ex's story - without names, of course - in the hope that it can do some good.

I only hope it doesn't cause more friction in those cases where the selective deafness isn't an impending case of hearing loss or tinnitus - I'd hate it if this attempt to spread positive hearing messages were to backfire and just cause marital disharmony.

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