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So, toiling away at my no win no fee compensation claim company, I've worked myself hard enough to have developed the need to wear glasses - although the boss peering over my shoulder says I probably ought to say that there's every chance that would have happened anyway and it's very unlikely that I should try to hold the company liable.
It's strange getting used to them; there's a space above them that I can still see normally, so when people are at just the right height, say standing over me while I'm sitting, I tend to find that their bodies as far as the neck fit into my lenses, but the heads are hidden by the magnification, so I'm often talking to various decapitated people. This never seems right, so I keep taking the things on and off to adjust between screen and people.
And currently I have a watery eye because I've managed to poke myself with one arm of the glasses. It's not as significant as some of the work injury claims I end up looking at the rest of the time, of course, and I'd hesitate at any other point to even mention it but right now I think it's important to say "Ouch".
Less busy types might have said that verbally, but I've a lot to do this week, and as I'm supposed to be considering work injury in this week's column, it all ties up neatly. Not that it was deliberate, of course, that would have been above and beyond the call of duty.
Speaking of above and beyond, there used to be some people who would volunteer for personal injury in the course of their work, making crash test dummies out of themselves. Aside from a few pigs - whose status as 'volunteers' is questionable - a Colonel Stapp subjected himself to massive deceleration in a rocket sled, and, perhaps most famously, biomechanics professor Lawrence Patrick presented himself as a "human crash test dummy".
This led to him - and his students, in some cases - experiencing broken glass in the face, smashing of kneecaps into iron bars, and heavy pendulums being swung into his chest. Although that sounds painful, it would have been difficult to build dummies that accurately represented the effects on the body without this research, so it's a valiant contribution to car accident safety and whiplash prevention. That puts my little eye-poke work accident to shame, really, both in terms of actual bodily harm and of benefit to humankind.
And look at that - I've written myself into feeling better. The manager over my shoulder can relax, as there's no likelihood of me making a personal injury claim against my own no win, no fee compensation claim company over this - after all, it was (even if only marginally) better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.
