Hearing loss compensation - is nagging the true cause?

The release of a study this week detailing the link between marriage and noise-induced hearing loss has proved irresistible to certain commentators, with some claiming that "nagging" wives should pay their husbands hearing loss compensation.

The study, which was presented at the 2009 American Academy of Otolaryngology-Head and Neck Surgery Foundation (AAO-HNSF) Annual Meeting and OTO EXPO, concerned audiometric testing data of more than 5,000 people between the ages of 20 and 69.

Aside from finding that nearly 14% of subjects suffered from some level of noise-induced hearing loss, the study found that men were 250% more likely to be affected than women. And, of men, those who were married and white had the greatest risk of developing the condition.

Predictably, this news has led to all kinds of jibes about men suffering from the auditory irritation of wives who routinely torture their ever-diminishing hearing with commands and complaints above the safe decibel limit.

Actually, I can see the attraction of adopting this viewpoint. Just yesterday my wife asked to come and help in the garden, mischievously I replied, "Sorry darling, can't hear you". She repeated herself, at increased volume, "No, sweetheart," I said, "It's because you were too loud to begin with that I can't hear you - you're making me go deaf, it's clinical fact you know, so don't ask me to do anything, ever again, or I'll have to sue you for hearing loss compensation"

This morning I went down to breakfast to discover that a long list of chores had been posted for me on the fridge. It was headed by the hilariously ironic headline: "Here's a list so you won't go completely deaf!!!"

Typically, she's won the battle, and by adopting my own poor style of humour too. The list is so exhaustive that I imagine I'll be busy right through the half-term holiday.

But, on a more serious note, it would seem improbable that being a married man has any direct causation on hearing loss. It may just reveal more about the demographic of those workers who work in noise-hazardous environments.

It is possible, I guess, that noise-induced hearing loss might be exacerbated by moving to and fro between a noisy workplace and a bustling family; periods of quietude help us all. Just don't expect any no win, no fee claims for hearing loss compensation caused by "nagging wives" any time soon, not in this country anyway…

Can I claim?